| Thursday, 12-Jun-2008 23:06 |
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Fifteen Again
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I have been busy finishing up work for a restaurant in town. I was on-site last week when I caught glimpse of a woman I went to high school with and I quickly turned to face the other way so she wouldn't see me. I tripped on my shoe and my team had a good laugh at me and suddenly I was embarrassed. This is a woman that I was good friends with during my elementary, middle, and part of my high school years until we had a fallout. Just the sight of her made me feel small again.
After I found out I was pregnant, I waited a while to tell my friends. When I did tell them and the word spread, I had three friends left. To this day, those three friends are my best girlfriends and I know I wouldn't have made it out of high school without them. Other girls were never mean to me. At least not to my face, but I'm sure they talked about me. The guys were mean. After I had Ali, I never went on a date. Guys I went to school with told me some of the most hurtful things I've ever heard and I had a hard time trusting any guy for years. Girls were much more subtle about their feelings. I was shunned and used as an example.
After I relaxed a bit and remembered I was a professional, I turned to walk towards her and do my business. I was hoping she wouldn't recognize me, but I should have known better. Physically, I haven't changed all that much since high school. She recognized me in an instant and her jaw dropped. She was so excited to see me she grabbed me and gave me a hug and confessed she just couldn't believe it was me. If you could have seen how she acted, you would think I came back from the dead.
To make a loooong story short, she invited me to a dinner party she was throwing to welcome summer (it was on Sunday). She insisted that I go and listed all the people that would be in attendance. It was a mix of family, friends from college, those she works with, and a close knit circle of friends from high school still living in the area. I was thrown back to my junior year in high school when I was personally invited to a party and when I showed up, no one talked to me the entire night. I made my way around the house with a cup someone shoved in my hand and no one cared to spark up a conversation with me. I wanted to tell her I couldn't go to her dinner, that I had other plans, but my mind didn't come up with something fast enough. She told me I'd better come because she would be setting a place for Ian and me. We parted and I walked away thinking of what just happened. We had a lengthy conversation and she didn't asked about Ali.
I told Ian about what happened and asked him to help me come up with something to get out of the dinner and he flat out told me he wouldn't do such a thing. He said he would like to meet some of my old friends from high school (duh! he didn't get that these weren't friends) and that people change and grow up. He understood that I was afraid I'd be shunned again by those few girls and subject to those long stares and judgments and it'd be like I was fifteen all over again. This time, I'd be sitting at the end of the table eating lemon and walnut cake with honey syrup instead of a bag of chips. He reminded me that I have a lot to be proud of and a lot to tell them about my life so far. Even with all I have to be proud of, I was still a little scared. I was comforted by the fact that I'd be sitting next to one hot man, ever confident, the entire night.
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We're walking around her home in Montrose and of course, I'm looking at her decor and design. Ian has left me because he has nerd radar and can find anyone willing to talk to him about world news, tech talk, or interests in the newest little gadgets (he sat with his laptop at the beach following live updates on Steve Jobs' keynote speech this week). Normally, I would have been having a conversation with a complete stranger and enjoying my time, but I knew those girls from high school she had invited were walking around, too.
I didn't have that long to drown in my nervousness. They rounded the corner after only fifteen minutes of my arrival and were delighted to see me. They gave me these great hugs as if we had once been friends and they had missed me so much. I have to admit, their warm welcome made me feel a little better. We caught up during the dinner. I was prepared to sit with Ian, but they actually wanted to sit and talk with me, about me, and see pictures of Ali. It felt like being accepted to the closed circle of friends. They really wanted to talk to me and were amazed by everything I've accomplished while raising a child. It was so much fun. It took ten years, but I guess Ian was right. Some people can change. They were completely charmed by him, everyone is, and I loved that he made me go to the dinner. These girls have never seen Ali and are looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to it.
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